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May. 1st, 2016

melcena: (Warm sun)
I have a bad habit of trying to push anything I might stress about to the back of my mind. If I'm not thinking about it I can stress about it right? Haha, no. Trying not to let myself worry about the hospital visit tomorrow, trying not to panic about leaving the house in such a mess because I'm not quite up to doing another cleaning binge. And I had nightmares all night last night. Like terrible "I had a baby and it got murdered" kind of nightmares. In one I was supposed to go to the hospital the next day to be checked in for tests and stuff but I was getting arrested because I drove like a maniac and ran red lights and almost ran folks over trying to get my baby (a girl btw) to the hospital. And don't think my brain left out the anxiety of filling out forms endlessly while panicking about the baby. No no, my brain doesn't do half measures.

So I woke up smelling blood. And I'm like goddamn it brain take it down a notch. Sit up. Niagara falls of blood suddenly down my face. On my pajamas (top and bottoms), on and in my house shoes ... booked it to the bathroom with a hand cupped under my nose trying to catch all I could so I wouldn't leave a blood trail down the hall.

Had to get on with the day, starting laundry to get the blood out and then getting on clothes and starting breakfast. Burned the butter in the pan while Jens was whisking the eggs managed to time everything just right so that I never had half a second to get my coffee going and I was constantly worried I would burn all of breakfast.

Then I get on Facebook and I'm reading so much tragedy and trying to focus on some of the good things and funny things and a friend puts up this thing on Pseudo-science calling gravity a toxin and I cracked up. And then in the comments was this GEM: http://sebpearce.com/bullshit/. New-Age Bullshit Generator. That made my morning I laughed so hard. I had to come change all my LJ stuff to various quotes.

I've eaten, had some coffee. Still feeling stressed but the panic has subsided. Got stuff to do, but Jens will be helping. I was kind of flailing around in the kitchen, all my counters covered in clutter, stressing about getting it clean and he said, "It's not just your responsibility. I DO live here too." Mind blown.

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