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*yawns*

Nov. 9th, 2014 08:32 pm
melcena: (Bundle Up)
OK so, after talking to Liz I have decided to start trying to keep daily tabs on how I'm feeling, and I'm gonna do it here on LJ!

I came off my Venlafaxin awhile back, and I did pretty good for awhile! I managed my anxiety with e-cigs and while I haven't dropped, well, hardly any of the weight I gained on that medicine I have stopped gaining. So, good deal.

Problem is I've been starting to have issues again. And last night when Jens was out at a whiskey tasting and crashing at a co-worker's place I had a LOT of anxiety. Like, almost panicky WHAT IF HE NEVER COMES BACK WHAT WOULD I DO?!?!?!?! Did not sleep well. Did not take any sominex either since I needed to be able to wake up for Sammy if he called for me.

And that isn't the first time I've had issues that don't seem to be held at bay by the e-cigs. This time of year does me no favors either. So I'm planning to go back to the doc and talk to her, see if she will put me on Bupropion. It's not supposed to have weight gain as a side effect, and I'm hoping it will help me manage my anxiety.

I don't know if she'll take my suggestion or if she'll suggest something else, but I know I don't want the other stuff back and I do need something it seems.
melcena: (Fair days)
*looks around* Anybody still here?

OK, so I came off of my Venlafaxin, not fun. Withdrawal is a bitch. But today I'm feeling almost normal. This is good.

I'm getting back on Atkins, not cutting corners on my food, I'm getting things I will eat, things I like. Effing expensive shopping trips ahoy. Haven't started feeling icky yet, so probably not yet in Ketosis. Carb cravings are starting up but I'm drinking my water and dealing with it. I know that this diet works for me, and I know that I can lose weight without feeling hungry and tired and crappy. I am feeling super determined right now and I will use that feeling to power through!

I am also starting to do my yogalates again. I remember how good I used to feel when I was doing it, and I want to feel that way again. Also, I need to do something for by back and hips. All this weight I'm carrying around is killing me. Plus it puts my head in a good place and I need that now that I'm off of my meds.

Didn't sign up for my next class before the break, and found out that it got cancelled, not enough people signed up. So I am signing up for the next one already, in the hopes that I can get in another class this year. Also planning to work in my book and see if I can just manage to work through this missing class on my own.

Oh, and one plus side to coming off my meds, the house will likely be cleaner. I had that old "ohgodohgod LIVING IN FILTH" cleaning freak out today. I didn't get those on my meds.
melcena: (Warm sun)
OK! Here's a poll! Which of these dog shaming pictures (of my dog) are the best?!

PICS AND POLL UNDER HERE! )
melcena: (Warm sun)
In Progress:
Back to School for German - FEBRUARY!
Take a photography course - (looking for a better online course)
Finish a quilt - (quilt in progress)
Learn basic bookkeeping - feel good about my money skills (restarting my online course)

Adopt elderly dogs - name them after Terry Pratchett characters
Foster dogs for rescues
Learn to window box garden
Be a size 16 or smaller for more than a year
Get certified as a translator
Have a work from home job
Learn to make a pretty cake
Complete the Couch to 5k program
Shave my head
Learn to dance
Re-learn how to like cities
melcena: (Warm sun)
Sammy had a blast at the zoo today. He was thrilled about riding on the train, though he wanted it to go faster and make fewer stops. LOL

He was nervous about the tram, but was eager to get back on it the second time around.

He had a lot of fun at the Zoo, we did a few laps around and saw all of the animals we could find. He was excited about the elephants, but did not want to see them any closer. He went on every slide we came across, climbed on a few things and got to pet some sheep. He really liked the exhibits with fish, and of course the penguins are always a favorite. He tried to help an adventurous kid get back to his mother, which the kid didn't want to do. And he played with some other kids as he came across them. He also begged money off of me and Oma to play on the coin operated digging machine and the coin operated bumper cars. He tried to boss Oma into crawling around on hands and knees and playing with him a few times, that was a no go, but I got down and crawled around because I thought I was still young enough. Dude, I know now why my mom had kids in her early 20's. Holy crap.

We didn't make it to the little train in the Gro├če Garten, it was too much for one day. We did hit the gift shop and picked out a post card for him to take in to Kindergarten when he goes back, and some animal stickers to put on his wall. Oma said he couldn't have a stuffed animal because he has enough, she then got him a fire engine. *shakes her head*

On the train Sammy kept saying he wasn't tired, as he was yawning and trying to keep his eyes open, I was amused. He's been running imaginary trains since we got home, in the tub he was driving the Octonauts around and everywhere the Gup-A stopped he made train announcements. He wants to go back tomorrow. Oma suggested we do it again for his birthday, I think that may be a solid plan.


A WTF from our fun day at the Zoo in Dresden: From the top of a little tower, Sammy is trying to convince another little boy to get out of his rented zoo stroller and join him. Having just watched the kid be put in the cart a few minutes before I discouraged him, then I noticed Random Boy's Oma who had put him in said stroller was on a bench several feet away playing on a smart phone. The boy was obviously bored and when he sees a little bird on the walkway he gets excited and starts calling out to his Oma for her to share in this exciting bird experience. Her response was essentially, "Yeah yeah, I see it." Followed by a short glance up and a very short, "I saw it." To hush the kid up. Poor kid went back to looking sad and bored, and we walked on leaving Oma to her terribly important phone fiddling. Who does that?! Poor kid.
melcena: (Warm sun)
Adopt elderly dogs - name them after the Silver Horde
Foster dogs for rescues
Learn to window box garden
Be a size 16 or smaller for more than a year
Get certified as a translator
Have a work from home job
Learn to make a pretty cake
Finish a quilt
Learn basic bookkeeping - feel good about my money skills
Complete the Couch to 5k program
Shave my head
Take a photography course - (IN PROGRESS)
Learn to dance
Re-learn how to like cities

Birthday!

Sep. 2nd, 2013 10:15 am
melcena: (Warm sun)
My birthday is coming up on Friday, in honor of that go buy yourselves something nice from here (Big Fluffy Rescue event) or from Greatergood.com, or donate to charity, or just go out and be awesome to people. :-D

THE F WORD

Aug. 10th, 2013 08:14 pm
melcena: (Warm sun)
*Me, Jens, and Sammy T, in the car, In one Ear - Cage the Elephant playing on the iPod*
Me: (to Jens) I'm really glad Sammy isn't paying attention to the music or he would have just learned the S-word and the F-word.
Jens: *changing the song* (to Sammy) Do you know the F-word?
Sammy: Ja!
Me: *Thinking: Oh god, I'm a bad mom!*
Jens: What is it?
Sammy: Flughafen! (Airport in German.)
Jens: And the S-word, do you know the S-word?
Sammy: Ja!
Jens: What is it? What is the S-word?
Sammy: Me! Samuel!

We then stopped trying to keep the laughter in. Best kid ever.
melcena: (Warm sun)
Adopt elderly dogs - name them after the Silver Horde
Foster dogs for rescues
Learn to window box garden
Be a size 16 or smaller for more than a year
Get certified as a translator
Have a work from home job
Learn to make a pretty cake
Finish a quilt
Learn basic bookkeeping - feel good about my money skills
Learn to rollerblade
Shave my head
Take a photography course
Learn to dance
Re-learn how to like cities

-.-

Jul. 4th, 2013 05:05 pm
melcena: (Warm sun)
Woke up today with a horrible sore throat. Feeling like total crap. So I went to the doctor. Does anybody else get that slight feeling of concern mostly overpowered by vindication when the doctor looks horrified?

Doctor: *makes horrified face* How long have you had this?
Me: I woke up with it this morning.
Doctor: *shocked face* Your throat is awfully red, your lymph nodes and the back of your tongue are really swollen. I'm going to put you on 10 days of antibiotics.
Me: *nods and thinks "THAT'S RIGHT BETCHES! I BELONG IN THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE! IT'S NOT ALL IN MY HEAD!"*

Also, since my throat hurts like hell, I put myself on the 'Fuck You, It Hurts When I Swallow' Diet. AKA Ice Cream. Why call it that, you ask? One, it's that time of month so I'm cranky. Two, 'I thought you were trying to lo-' FUCK YOU, IT HURTS WHEN I SWALLOW. See how that works?
melcena: (Bundle Up)
I've been feeling restless lately. I have this desire to start changing things. I want to re-do the junk room into a home office. I want to re-do the warped floor in the bedroom. I'm thinking of taking some free online classes on topics that interest me. I want to make a hundred little changes in my life, but ...

I'm feeling kind of trapped. I can't do the big things without help, and no one but me has an interest in them. And all the little things are probably pointless and will never stick because, face it, look who you're talking to. And I just ... I don't know.

I'd like to talk about it, but I feel stupid. Everyone else has other things going on. And nobody, not even me, wants to sit down and hash through this ... this ennui.

Dreams

May. 5th, 2013 09:58 am
melcena: (Wanderlust)
I really enjoy looking at real estate on Homes.com. I peruse properties all over the US. But I'm weird. I'm not looking at the super expensive homes and wishing I were rich. I'm looking at the dirt cheap ones. The ones you need to be rich to fix up and make beautiful again. There are so many. But I have fallen in love with three right in a row in Richmond. Only one is listed on Homes.com but you can see them a bit in the picture and you can see them well on google maps.

I want to buy all three of them. I want to fix them up and live in the one on the far right with the little brick wall. I'd rent out the other two to have an income. I'd plant irises and bluebells and morning glories in the front yards, and in the back of my house I'd plant a hickory tree. I'd have a swing hanging on my front porch next to a couple of potted tomato plants. I'd get a big lazy dog and couple of good mousers. I'd have family and friends over for cookouts. *sighs*
melcena: (Bundle Up)
Long night of nightmares left me with the feeling I ought to make a will. TL;DR )

SO ADORABLE

Oct. 4th, 2012 08:01 pm
melcena: (Tea Time)
Since Disney Junior started up a little Pooh bedtime story show we've been watching the evening sign off song. OMG SO ADORABLE. LET ME SHARE IT WITH YOU!

melcena: (Dancing)
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] copperwise at Every Time You Pass This On A Faerie Gets Her Wings
TWO more days until we walk!

Toby Froud's doing the whole walk on STILTS. His mother, Wendy, is a gorgeous artist and one of the sweetest ladies I know.

I'm walking for Wendy. I'm walking for [livejournal.com profile] tanuki_green, who's a diabetic. I'm walking for MYSELF, even.

And because the world needs more magic, our team, the Blood Sugar Plum Faeries, will be going full Faerieworlds and dressing up for the walk.

The Portland Walk is WAY below fundraising goal. If you can spare a dollar, please sponsor me and my team. Even if you can't, please boost the signal for us.

http://main.diabetes.org/site/TR/StepOut/A2ORG-OregonIdahoArea?team_id=542437&pg=team&fr_id=8417

<3 and fairy sparkles!

What's new?

Jun. 4th, 2012 02:51 pm
melcena: (Fair days)
I never posted how my first class went! I got there a couple minutes late because I got lost, even having given myself 30 minutes to reach a location 10 minutes away. This should shock absolutely no one. I helped with the class and had a lot of fun. And afterward I talked with the regular teacher, and she thinks it would be better if I just came in and helped, and let her handle the pedagogy and all of that. Which is fine! I am looking forward to learning and having loads of fun with the kids.

Speaking of the kids I promised them cookies for Tuesday, so I have peanut butter raisin oatmeal cookies baking. This recipe makes 5 dozen. Sammy may be taking them to Kindergarten for breakfast for a few days. THEY'RE LIKE AMAZING OATMEAL IN COOKIE FORM! THEY EVEN HAVE EGGS! THAT'S PROTEIN! DON'T JUDGE ME!

Other than that things are going fairly well. The things I can control anyway, sweaters should not be needed in June. Stupid weather. I'm still trying to come up with 100 things to change. And working on getting myself motivated to lose weight again. And since the pumpkin is now up from his nap, that's your lot!
melcena: (Dancing)
Since we started putting Sammy T to bed at 8pm instead of 7pm he's sleeping later in the mornings. This means that I can start my day without having someone screaming at me/for me. It is the most awesome thing, not being harried every morning, I have time to wake up and sip a cup of hot tea. Heavenly.

I took Sammy T to Kindergarten, and talked to Frau Helm who had arranged (and postponed for me) the a meeting in Leubsdorf to discuss me helping out with another Kindergarten's English program. She called up Frau Rein and and spoke briefly and then asked if today at 9am was good for me. Which, it was! I came home and changed clothes and worked on my breathing. I was pouring buckets of sweat, as I do now whenever I get nervous. But I managed to talk myself down and by the time I left I felt good about going.

When I got there Frau Rein was happy to see me and started asking me if I had a certificate in English, I had to explain I was a native English speaker and an English major to boot! Oh, was she happy. Their English teacher had retired. They need someone to take over the program and teach two classes one in Leubsdorf and one in Hohenfichte. At this point I was starting to feel panicked again. I just wanted to volunteer to help out a bit!

So I'll be starting with the class in Hohenfichte and Frau Rein will be coming with me to the first couple of classes and helping out. Then I'm on my own and we'll see about doing the class in Leubsdorf later. It's exciting! And it's terrifying! It will be good for me.

THEN! Around lunch time, the UPS guy came and rang the doorbell. My very dear friend Dan WHO IS GRADUATING FROM HARVARD LAW SCHOOL THIS WEEK* had mentioned on Facebook that I should expect UPS on Thursday. We had talked about him getting a shirt for Sammy T from the Harvard gift shop, so I was happily thinking how adorable Sammy was going to be in a Harvard shirt. I was handed this large flat envelope. My grandma has folded clothes flat and shipped them in an envelope before but this was really flat.

Dan sent me this awesome, AWESOME Certificate of Appreciation. It is gorgeous. And makes me all teary eyed. This is going on the family pictures shelf. <3


* Insert happy "I AM SO PROUD OF YOU" dance here.

Update

May. 21st, 2012 01:28 pm
melcena: (Glass house)
I got sick as a dog the other week. Stomach bug that started on Saturday and lasted until Monday, and a nasty cold that started up on Monday that is still clinging on.

That means there was no meeting with the lady at the other Kindergarten. I did however manage to lose 7 pounds in 3 days of stomach flu so I think that I can be forgiven for not doing, well anything, really.

This past Saturday we took Sammy T to the zoo in Leipzig. He was all about the elephants. He was dragging me along once we got in insisting that we go to the elephants. When we got there, he was really quiet and his eyes were huge. I think he was suitably impressed! Long story short, it was a really nice zoo and we had a lot of fun, but it was really tiring.

I've been trying to come up with a list of 100 things I want to do/change over the next year/two years. I'm up to 34. Quite a few of them are big things, which means I could break them down into smaller steps, and I think I will try to do so, but later when I'm not trying to get my house back in order.
melcena: (Glass house)
*sigh* I have no reasons or excuses today. I haven't managed to incorporate all of the changes together for a single day, nor have I managed to follow through with any of the individual changes for the entire week. Not even the ones that I was so sure about being able to do reliably. *sighs*

Things change never-the-less, maybe I'm going about this wrong. Maybe I should make a list of 100 Changes I want to make, say over a year or two? And then I could work on them one by one without feeling quite so ... rushed, I guess. Giving myself a week to make a certain change and then adding the next one doesn't seem to be working. I'll see that I can come up with.

Speaking of changes:

One thing that I have been trying to do for awhile is work with the kids at the Kindergarten as a volunteer and help out the English teacher. I was told today that the teacher really does not want help. PERIOD. However, the Kindergarten over in Leubsdorf is looking for someone to help out with English for an hour a week. I could totes do that! I'll be meeting up with the head of the Kindergarten on Monday to discuss what they are looking for and what I have to offer. Even at one hour a week THAT WOULD BE A HUGE CHANGE.

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