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Only 2 days (one night) this go 'round. Turns out the first medication he put me on has to be dialed back because it's doing a number on my kidneys. Cutting it by half and adding Topamax. Since my regular doctor is on vacation this week, I have to go see if the mean doctor will just write a damned prescription. I also have been told that I need to be losing 5 kilos a month. And if I'm not 5 kilos lighter by the 30th I will get royally bitched out and possibly sent on a 3 week "cure" (fat camp- low cal food, lots of exercise).

I was at the eye clinic from shortly before 9am until shortly after 2pm. If I don't eat in regular intervals I feel sick and terrible. After a breakfast of a portion of yogurt and 2 filinchen, not getting to eat until 2:20 was even worse. I felt better once I'd eaten but better just means I didn't want to vomit up my water and stomach bile. I'm still feeling really crappy. Since I have to go back and do all of this again on the 30th I now know to pack a lunch and take it with me.

So tired.

Current Mood: tired

So. OK. I'm now back from the hospital, what was supposed to be a 2-3 day thing was a week long, Thursday to Thursday. Not because I'm horribly ill, but because I'm a housewife. Apparently that means there's no rush, all I'm doing is raising a kid. Oh, I could rant.

Anyway, what I have is Pseudotumor Cerebri. Losing weight is a must, which makes me bizarrely and irrationally cranky despite the fact I have been wanting/trying to lose weight for forever, or maybe because of that. Gotta take my meds, and go see a nutritionist and "move more", which in theory should be easier since they drained 30 ml of fluid and put me on a medicine to help lower the fluid levels. I should be less fatigued and have less back, neck, and shoulder pain, fewer headaches, etc.

Mom is here, she stayed the first couple of days in Chemnitz so she could be close to the hospital, but after that she had to go back to my house. She did get to drive my new car up to see me, and she was very helpful to Jens and Monkey around the house.

In two weeks I have to go back and see the doctor at the hospital, a really excellent and competent man by the name of Angelski. Get checked out again and maybe have more blood drawn. And I need to call the eye doctor and get another appointment with them to have my eyes looked at again. Not looking forward to dealing with the bitchy receptionist there.

EDIT - AHAHAHA. Jens actually read the letter intended for my doctor. I HAVE TO GO BACK IN OVERNIGHT ON THE 2ND. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU

Current Mood: okay

Went to the doc and waited a little more than 2 and a half hours. Finally got in there around the time I needed to get moving to pick up Sammy. Stressful.

Anyway, here Bupropion (Zyban) is only for quitting smoking. She looked for other meds and could find nothing that didn't have excessive weight gain as a side effect, and since I told her what it's used for in the US she agreed, despite misgivings, to let me give it a try. Because it's only for quitting smoking and not mental health issues I have to pay for it on my own, and it's 67€ and change. Which is doable but annoying.

She told me that my ecigs are a horrible idea and went on about chemicals and I should quit them. Which I think I will for 30 days while I'm on the Bupropion. She also said I need to seriously up my vit D dosage and keep taking the B vitamins.

Going to stroll to the store and the pharmacy in a little bit and pick up the new vit D and the Bupropion. Then I think I will sit under my sun lamp and vegetate because I have zero energy.

Other advice from the doctor was weight-loss related, I should cook only with coconut fat and cut out all other sources from my diet, no butter, no eggs, no animal fat, no other cooking oils ... this sounds sketchy as hell to me. I will peruse the internets and see what they have to say about her advice.

Current Mood: tired

OK so, after talking to Liz I have decided to start trying to keep daily tabs on how I'm feeling, and I'm gonna do it here on LJ!

I came off my Venlafaxin awhile back, and I did pretty good for awhile! I managed my anxiety with e-cigs and while I haven't dropped, well, hardly any of the weight I gained on that medicine I have stopped gaining. So, good deal.

Problem is I've been starting to have issues again. And last night when Jens was out at a whiskey tasting and crashing at a co-worker's place I had a LOT of anxiety. Like, almost panicky WHAT IF HE NEVER COMES BACK WHAT WOULD I DO?!?!?!?! Did not sleep well. Did not take any sominex either since I needed to be able to wake up for Sammy if he called for me.

And that isn't the first time I've had issues that don't seem to be held at bay by the e-cigs. This time of year does me no favors either. So I'm planning to go back to the doc and talk to her, see if she will put me on Bupropion. It's not supposed to have weight gain as a side effect, and I'm hoping it will help me manage my anxiety.

I don't know if she'll take my suggestion or if she'll suggest something else, but I know I don't want the other stuff back and I do need something it seems.

Current Mood: sleepy

Woke up today with a horrible sore throat. Feeling like total crap. So I went to the doctor. Does anybody else get that slight feeling of concern mostly overpowered by vindication when the doctor looks horrified?

Doctor: *makes horrified face* How long have you had this?
Me: I woke up with it this morning.
Doctor: *shocked face* Your throat is awfully red, your lymph nodes and the back of your tongue are really swollen. I'm going to put you on 10 days of antibiotics.
Me: *nods and thinks "THAT'S RIGHT BETCHES! I BELONG IN THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE! IT'S NOT ALL IN MY HEAD!"*

Also, since my throat hurts like hell, I put myself on the 'Fuck You, It Hurts When I Swallow' Diet. AKA Ice Cream. Why call it that, you ask? One, it's that time of month so I'm cranky. Two, 'I thought you were trying to lo-' FUCK YOU, IT HURTS WHEN I SWALLOW. See how that works?

Sammy has been getting off and on sick since the 6th of March. We thought it was from the cake he ate on my MIL's birthday. Horrible diarrhea. Then the next week after watching what he's eating (but still letting him eat at the Kindergarten) it happens again, this time with vomiting. We went to the doctor and she was very concerned about his hydration. If he hadn't perked up and started drinking and stopped with the diarrhea and vomiting we would have needed to take him to the hospital. So we've kept him home and resolved to make him lunches instead of letting him eat what the other kids are eating.

Last night at 11pm it started up again. He's been home. I know what he's eaten. Nothing should have set this off. But we were up most of the night battling the poor boy's diarrhea and vomiting. He was refusing to drink and looking awful. So around 3:30am we head off to the hospital in Chemnitz.

We get there (about an hour drive) and he immediately starts perking up and wanting to drink. The doctor sees him and says he looks OK keep doing what you're doing and talk to your pediatrician.

After napping, Sammy and I head off to the pediatrician. She is baffled and concerned. So she took blood to test. We'll find out if he's got genetic lactose intolerance, and if not then we'll be going to a hospital for more tests.

I'm happy we're going to get this sorted out, but I don't know if it's just lactose that sets off his stomach. He had not had anything this week that came from a cow. *throws her hands in the air*

Current Mood: exhausted

WOW. *dances around* Just one good night's sleep (and a cheap-o energy drink hours ago) and I am feeling super awesome, productive and HAPPY.

The doctor cut my Venlafaxin (generic Effexor) back down a notch and prescribed me a sleeping pill. The pill is temporary, it's just supposed to show my body what it's supposed to be doing. I had the first good night's sleep last night that I have had in a very very long time.

I am only supposed to be taking a half a sleeping pill before bed. Which I did that last night and slept from 8 until almost midnight. Which is the longest solid block of sleep I've gotten in recent memory. And when I couldn't get back to sleep I just hopped up and got the other half of the pill. Slept from shortly before 1 until 6. HEAVEN, I TELL YOU! HEAVEN!

I woke up feeling good. SUCH A CHANGE.

Now about the energy drink, I had gotten two just to see a)what effect they have and b) if it could give me enough energy to get the house half way straight. Yesterday, I had the first one. It had no effect AT ALL. It was like I drank a Sprite. So I figured since these were really cheap it just sucked.

This morning I felt good, and thought, you know maybe this will give me a little bump of motivation/energy to get some stuff done because there is so very much to do. Oh. My. God. I cleaned. I folded. I vacuumed. I mopped. I organized. I decorated. I danced like a mad thing. I haven't had that much energy in YEARS.

And you know what? I still feel good. I still have energy. I LOVE EVERYBODY TODAY! WOOOOO! :-D

Current Mood: bouncy

So. I posted about the minor surgery that went well, and fell off the earth. I am so freaking sick it's pathetic. A day or so after my post I caught some sort of stomach bug from my little plague monkey*. Started with diarrhea, and general stomach issues. Then it got ugly. Couldn't eat. Couldn't sit or stand without nausea and dry heaving. A house call from the doctor neighbor and some medications he had on hand got the stomach bug more or less squared away and now I've moved on to the next plague. You see, along with this stomach bug came a cold that has ramped up as I have been getting better, it has turned into a sinus infection.

I am now on various medications. I am supposed to rest and not try to get things done. Also drink plenty of fluids.

My MIL has been a huge help. If not for her Sammy would be staying home because I am not well enough to take him to preschool, but on the flip side I am so not up to taking care of him on my own either. I almost puked on him trying to change his diaper the other day.

Sammy is battling with this cold too. I may need to take him to the doctor next monday. My MIL says she thinks he's getting better, though, so maybe not. He's definitely not as sick as I am but he's got a cough that has been worrying me.

*Sammy

Current Mood: sick

So, apparently despite thinking about this and discussing it ad nauseam at home, I didn't manage to let folks know about getting my tubes tied! Yeah. They're tied! I'd do a little dance but I'm not up for that yet.

I am VERY HAPPY with this decision. :-D I do however, have more fun stories to tell about German medicine and medical personnel.

The surgery took place at the doctor's office, not at a hospital. The visiting doctor who would be doing my surgery seemed, well, brusque. But that's not unusual for Germany. She* seemed peeved by my difficult veins and I got stabbed (the woman was NOT gentle) in the hand multiple times while she bitched about my veins and barked at me in german about making a proper fist. I got the distinct impression that it was my fault she was having trouble, I mean surely I was rolling my veins ON PURPOSE.

The surgery iself went well, though I have some lovely bruises on my hand and, I noticed this morning, some bizarre marks on my upper arm that must have been left from the blood presure cuff.

I got home and realized after a while that they had forgotten to give me the follow-up painkiller, for you know, the follow-up pain. I took a couple of advil since I couldn't reach the doctor (male/neighbor) and when Jens went over to ask since he saw the doctor's wife outside ... the painkiller IS Ibuprofen. 600mg. You know, 3 Advil.FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

So I supplemented that with some tylenol to be able to sleep and move without agony. I told Jens, next time there's a surgery he's up for it. I'm so done!

Now I'm trying to recouperate with a sad, sick, clingy toddler. Oh the joy.

*When I had the presurgery talk about DO YOU REALLY WANT TO DO THIS ARE YOU SURE???? The doctor was wearing pink scrubs, I am assuming that it was the doctor trying to get a vein because without my glasses on all I could distinguish was the color of the scrubs!

Waiting for the doctor to pop by to have a look at my throat, as I am ill with the snot plague. This would be way overkill except that I am supposed to have my tubes tied next week and we need to know if I need an antibiotic or if we need to postpone it.

Other topics of interest:

Sammy.

Sammy is sick with snot plague and may need antibiotics if he starts running a fever. He will be home from Kindergarten until Tuesday. Otherwise he is loving it. He plays with the other kids now. He is still excited to go every morning. He eats his food, he sits on the potty. The teachers are thrilled.

The New Doctor Debacle.

The nice new doctor here in town pulled a stunt that had us thinking of finding a new new doctor. Hitting the highlights: She told us she was writing me a prescription for a stronger herbal blend to help with my sleep problems/anxiety. It was NOT. It was homeopathic sugar pills. Jens had made it plain to her that we do not go in for homeopathy ... yeah Jens was pissed and I was not pleased. I mean she listens and I like her but I need my issues addressed and telling me you're giving me one thing and then giving me something else entirely, not cool.

The feng shui advice for the bedroom was quirky and ineffective, also not very doctor-ly.

Any way. Jens popped down to see her and got an apology, he also brought me a prescription for Effexor*. Which we need to run by the doc who will be doing my tube tying.

Better Living Through Chemicals.

Last night was night number one of Effexor. Miserable failure. Nausea. Insomnia. Got up feeling like death warmed over this morning. Looks like it'll be fun getting acclimated. It would probably help if I could shake this irrational anxiety over taking it. BUT THEN IF I COULD SHAKE MY IRRATIONAL ANXIETIES I WOULDN'T NEED TO TAKE IT NOW WOULD I?!

Diet And Exercise.

The doctor also said I am taking in way too much meat/protein. She says it could be taxing my kidneys/gall bladder/and liver and could be causing some of my anxiety. It's hard to tell where sound medical advice stops and where flaky-whateverness begins but I'm doing a Mon-Fri vegetarian thing now to cut back/cut down on my meat/protein intake. Also, I can't eat anything that comes from a cow.

Before Sammy got sick I had started up my daily Yogalates again. It felt good to be getting back into it. But I can't do it when he's home, because I am not a jungle gym. And I don't do it when I feel like death warmed over, because no. I may have some trouble getting started back up after the tube tying but I wanted to get in a few days of it before then.

-----
Doctor has come and gone, I have a prescription for an antibiotic for my throat. If I'm not better in 5 days I need to postpone the tube tying. Also, I should wait to start the Effexor until after.

* It's actually venlafaxin which is the generic and sucks to type.

I started writing out an very angry post about my morning, but since I got to rant to Liz about it the urgency and rage dissipated quite a bit. The bare bones overview was waiting 2 hours to see the doctor, essentially have my concerns dismissed and be told I eat too much and need to exercise everyday. Since she's saying 1200-1500 calories is too much (WTF FOR SRS) I think I'll be looking for a second opinion.

And on to happy stuff! Sammy T had his playgroup today and made a couple of friends. A boy named Daniel and a girl whose name I did not catch. Daniel's mom was very nice and invited me back to the church run group she goes to (it's not really an ideal fit for her either but she says it's good for the kids). She and I may have some play-dates with the kids in the future. She's not from around here (West Germany) and is always looking to make new friends. :-D

At the doctor's today he told us to head in to the hospital tomorrow and have them induce me. YAY!

However, when we called the hospital to find out when would be a good time to come in, they were baffled as to why we'd be ready to induce at only 6 days late. How about because the kid is already bigger than any of the other kids that have been born at your hospital this month AND I CAN'T PUT ON MY OWN SOCKS AND MY EXTREMITIES ARE ALL SWOLLEN AND I COULD GO ON AND ON, YOU BASTARDS. *ahem*

We go in around 7am and they're going to have their own doctor look at the baby's heart rate and my condition and they'll make the decision about whether they'll induce me. They better not make me slap a bitch. Kid is done baking, and I am past done with the whole being pregnant thing.

But anyrate, Sam could be born as early as tomorrow. I spent the whole time, from when the doctor said "go tomorrow" until the hospital people rained on my parade, being ridiculously happy. I am now hopeful with an edge of "I will eat your liver." IF we get sent home I'll post again tomorrow and if I stay then I may try to get Jens (